A Letter From My Heart To Yours

I was going through old files this evening, and found a letter that I had written Adrian last month. It occurred to me that it could have been a letter to any of you Buckaroo Barbie readers as well, so I am including it here.

My dear, darling heart,

I can’t tell you how many blogs I’ve written with that title or secretly that title, and they’re all to you.

I keep thinking about how proud I am of you and how much I admire you. You have such a strong, beautiful heart my darling girl, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Life tried to knock you down, maybe it even did for a while, but you just keep brushing yourself up, getting to your feet and calmly saying with a smile, “You hit like a bitch.” Or at least that’s the way I imagine it. You have a tenacious will and I have loved watching you go after what you want in life. You're making yourself into such a strong woman and you are my hero. Just thought you should know.

Love you,

Always, forever and an extra day,

Lizzy

You're the Reason

This morning, the beginning of Easter weekend, dawned with a light rain and that lovely damp smell that comes from early mornings. I love being warm in bed under a pile of blankets with the window open and you can just smell the cold air pouring into the bedroom….that is bliss.

Easter has always been my favorite holiday, and the memories of past Easters come rushing back.

This year feels different. There’s so much hope in our family, Adrian and I are slowly reaching goals that last year we were secretly thinking were impossible.

So I would just like to encourage you as someone who has experienced failure, pain and tragedy first hand, it does get better! It does, please don’t lose hope. Last year at this time I was looking back at the year before and thinking, “I can’t believe how far I’ve come since last year.” I’m doing the same thing today. I’m looking back on the accomplishments, the confidence and telling myself, I never thought we’d make it this far. It’s a great feeling.

Your hopes and dreams are not impossible. I knew that before, but now I know for sure that the darkness does eventually dissipate and you find yourself stronger than you ever imagined.

Do not give up, my friend. You were born to do great things.

xo xo Liz

Keep Your Chin Up High

I think part of the reason we all of us feel so close here on Buckaroo Barbie, is because I am brutally honest with you. Whenever I sit down to write a post, I imagine drawing my chair up to yours and topping off our coffee cups. It’s as if we’re all friends, offering each other advice, encouragement or even just a shoulder to cry on. So with that in mind, I feel like we’re all friends.

If you remember the other day, I posted how a fellow Lyme warrior died. It really upset me and thanks to that and some other contributing factors like accidently eating some food with preservatives in it, I’ve been down sick on the couch the last few days.

But that’s not the part I’m crying about. Yesterday our neighbor called and said he had about 42 head to brand. I was so excited. Surely I’d be feeling better by Sunday morning! I woke up this morning and the room was spinning so wildly it put any carnival ride to shame.  My joints felt like they’d been beaten with a hammer and I was so weak that Adrian had to help me so I could just sit up in bed. Long story short, I didn’t go brand today. And I was really kind of bitter about it. I had been doing so well! Why did I have to get to feeling crappy NOW of all times????

The mums got me cozied up on the couch with my Roo dog and a cup of coffee and headed off to the neighbors to take pictures. That’s her passion and joy, just in case you were wondering. J And while she was gone I might have indulged in a few tears of feeling sorry for myself and anger and frustration in my stupid, weak body. Then, while scrolling through Facebook, a friend’s status stopped me in my tracks. It said,

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

I know my trials are nothing compared to what some people are being faced with right now, but when you’re faced with your own baggage, it can seem very big and overwhelming at times. And in all honesty, I felt very overwhelmed and sad today. I spent the day, twisted on the couch in pain while my body alternatively tried to spin me to sleep, or freeze me into submission. At one point I woke up from a nap, scrolled through my Instagram and ran across this quote from Chalene Johnson:

“The only thing we truly have control over is our attitude. Attitude is a habit. Attitude is a choice. Things could be much worse! Hey…you have so much to be grateful for! Be happy. Be optimistic. Be giving. Be kind. Be grateful. Be humble. Be thankful. Be loving. Be generous. Be patient. Be nice. Be open. Be forgiving. These things create the habit of an unshakeable optimistic, positive attitude!”

That quote was like a shock of cold water to my system. My dad has always told Adrian and me that the only thing we control is our attitude, and through experience I’ve found that to be true.

I chose to forget about that today, so when my reminder came thanks to Facebook and Instagram, I felt somewhat ashamed and thankful.

I felt ashamed that I had wasted so much time wallering around in self-pity, and thankful for the reminder that even if I can’t control how I feel, I can control how I react to my situation. And that right there, ladies and gentlemen, is true control.

So no matter what tomorrow brings me, whether it’s joint pain, whirling rooms and not being able to ride my horse, or boundless energy, cutting strings and loping circles on Albert, I’m going to be thankful and cheerful. I’m going to work my hardest with the allotted energy and resources I’ve been given so that when the end of the day draws near, I can look back and be proud of my Try and attitude.

My two favorites, my little sister and my Albert horse.

I hope this encourages you in some small way, because these reminders did my heart a whole world of good today.

xo xo Liz 

Photo Credit: Alison Brannan